Finding a middle ground

After taking yet another a hiatus from this blog, which is not my only one, I was prompted to return by a revelation about a near daily irritation. Earlier this winter the jovial and kindly man who had long distributed the Washington Post Express newspaper at our Metro station suddenly disappeared. I quickly realized how much I had counted on exchanging greetings with him as I started off my morning commute, even though I never took a paper.

A short time later his replacement arrived and I was taken aback by the difference in his approach. Rather than standing at the edge of the traffic patterns at the spot of most availability, the new person stands very near the top of the escalator, with his hand thrust out holding a paper, thus taking up the maximum amount of space in a crowded area. People have to move around him to get to the escalator, and cannot have a free hand available or he will put a paper in it. Where his predecessor created goodwill and offered a warm welcome to the work day, this man creates discord as people scurry around him and try to avoid bumping into others and sending them falling down the escalator.

The first several weeks I was truly irritated at each encounter, in part because I do not believe in the waste created by the Post Express, nor the business model. I love the tactile experience of reading newspapers and will probably be the last subscriber of print media, but I do not believe in giving it away for people to read for a few stops and then throw away or leave to make the train messy. If I want to read the paper I take mine with me, and would feel terribly guilty about wasting more paper when I have one at home.

That being said, I never had a problem with the former distributor. I don't like to start my work day in anything less than a positive mood, so I found myself consciously re-setting my mood after each encounter with the new guy.

Then one recent day I had an epiphany. I realized that this is how some people have experienced me! In my role of coordinating and facilitating collaborative ventures, I have sometimes been experienced as that man at the top of the escalator. Despite my best efforts, sometimes people involved in collaborative efforts feel put upon when they can't do business as usual. Collaboration often involves taking a longer way, rather than a direct route to address a problem. Even if it was a person's own choice to be involved in collaboration, it is easy to feel put upon; like something is being thrust at them and they aren't really sure they want it. They may well like what they have better and consider what is being thrust upon them as less desirable, and waste of time and effort.

By nature and values, I am probably more like the Post Express distributor I so miss. I would rather stand back and greet people and make it easy for them to get what they want, and not interfere if they want to proceed unbothered, not valuing what I have to offer. However, believing so strongly in collaboration, I want people to have a positive experience working in collaboration rather than avoiding it.

My goal is to find a middle ground between standing on the sidelines, cheering people on and hoping they will come over and try some collaboration, and being so intrusive that people get aggravated and don’t want anything to do with collaboration.